New Things

Just a quick update to let you know that Sweetness can crawl (and she scales everything in sight)!  Yes, we have mobility and she is into everything!  I call her my little meerkat.  She is adorable when she gets up on her little knees to check out her surroundings.  The good news is that she can crawl to wherever I am in the house because Sweetness loves to be by her momma’s side.  My little shadow 🙂

She is talking.  Seriously.  She can say momma, dada and nay, nay (whatever that means!) along with a bunch of musical jibberish that I love to hear. And when she says Momma her little mouth makes the shape of an “o”…I just want to bite her little face off!

Her eczema is almost cleared up since we cut out all her allergens.  Although she did have a flare up when I gave her corn so I’m thinking she could be sensitive to it.

She is finally getting baptized in June.  Looking forward to shopping for a white cotton dress for her!  I’m thinking something like this from Etsy.

Ok, I gotta head to bed but I’ll be writing again soon after Sweetness’ 9 month well visit this week!

P.S.  I went to my first post baby yoga class at local studio and it was wonderful.  I’ll definitely be making it a part of my weekly schedule.  I felt like a different person on the mat though.  It’s so strange how motherhood really changes your personality. I’m still me, just different.

Yoga Mama

I love yoga.  Before I became a mother, yoga was a big part of my life.  I had so many happy visions of doing downward facing dog with a swollen pregnant belly.

The first time I got pregnant I was very active in the yoga community and at the tail end of a teacher training at Lotus Garden Yoga School.  After graduation I continued to attend my weekly yoga class at Creative Edge Yoga and excitedly shared the news of my impending motherhood right away with my teacher.  He was thrilled for me and immediately gave me a big hug.  He was so happy to have a pregnant student in his class.

The next few weeks ticked by and I proudly showed up to every class and my teacher modified my triangle and boat poses appropriate for the first trimester and I felt so special.  I remember feeling like my baby and me were doing yoga together. One week my teacher said to me that he could see my tiny belly starting to show a hint of a bump and I smiled feeling such pride.  Later that week, I found out I was miscarrying.

At first I blamed yoga.  I thought I had twisted a little too deeply, bent a little too far forward, bent a little too far backward, done an inversion incorrectly, somehow yoga was responsible for losing my baby and so was I.  I stopped going to class for a while. I was angry and incredibly sad.

My teacher did an amazing thing for me and he reached out to me.  He offered to do a healing meditation with me and I accepted.  I met up with him on a cool Saturday morning in the yoga studio.  Just him and I.  He sat down with me and looked me straight in the eye and asked how I was doing.  I burst into tears.  I sobbed while I told him how yoga let me down, he let me down, my body let me down.  My baby was gone and all of my happy visions with it.  He let me be angry, he encouraged it actually.  After I was done crying he gently reminded me of how careful I was in class, how we modified the poses and done everything by the book.  And ultimately how this loss was bigger than both of us and there was no making sense of it.  I realized he was right and that started my healing process and my return to the mat.

Three years later I got pregnant with Sweetness and I admit, I stopped doing yoga.  I was too scared, terrified actually, of losing yet another pregnancy.  It wasn’t rational, but it was something I felt I must do for my own peace of mind.

Well Sweetness is now nine months old and I’ve sat on my mat for a total of one time since her arrival.  My best friend reminded me earlier this week how much of a yogi I once was (and still am!).  Being the wonderful friend who knows me so well, she encouraged me to dust off my mat and practice my yoga.  Do it with the baby, show her how you center yourself, she nudged.  That was three days ago and I’ve done yoga with Sweetness everyday since.  Of course it’s not the hour and fifteen minute sessions I used to do and I don’t get to lay in savasana at the end but it doesn’t matter. It was pure BLISS.  She pulled my hair while I was in downward facing down and I started to laugh!

So maybe I wasn’t able to be the pregnant yoga mama I fantasized about so many years ago but I am a yoga mama and this is what I see when I practice yoga now:

Thanks for coming into my life Sweetness.  You  are my light.  Namaste.

P.S.  I can’t write about my beloved yoga and not mention Kripalu in Lenox, MA.  If you need spirituality, yoga, relaxation, rejuvenation, a massage, quiet time for yourself, good food, meditation, and more, it is the place to go.  I know we’re all busy moms and I don’t know when I’ll get back there but I’ve promised myself I’ll go again someday.  It’s good for the soul!

Amazing Grace

I had an entire draft ready to go about how hard motherhood is and how I am so tired all the time, blah, blah, blah….and today when Sweetness and I were out shopping I saw a mother – a complete stranger who gave me a reality check.

I was pulling out of a parking lot and across the street I noticed a woman with 3 young children.  She caught my eye because she was carrying an infant around Sweetness’ age on her back  like this in addition to holding her toddler’s hand while simultaneously carrying a large square package on her head. Her school aged boy was leading the way a few steps ahead and all I could think was that woman is amazing. All of the negativity and exhaustion I had been feeling melted away as I sat in awe of this mother.  I silently chided myself for the way I groaned endlessly to my friend the previous day about the challenges of motherhood.  The mother in front of me was a reminder of the strength and power of women.

I continued to watch her while I drove out of the parking lot and she was about to cross the street in front of me and I slowed down to let her go.  Do you know what she did?  She smiled at me and motioned for me to go ahead.  Can you stand it? Here I am sitting lazily in my car, with Sweetness strapped in her infant car seat and there she is walking with her 3 tots and a package on her head (which by the way never fell off) giving me the right of way.  The look on her face was one of grace, serenity and happiness. I smiled back at her, thanked her and then felt like a fraud.

I thanked the universe for putting her in my path today to help me remember that even though the path of motherhood is difficult, trying and exhausting it can be handled with grace and a smile.  I’ll never forget her.

    The Official Report

    We took Sweetness to an allergist and she had a scratch test done which told us that she is allergic to dairy, egg, peanuts, tree nuts, rye, rice and oat.  We were also told to hold off on introducing fish/shellfish until she is well over a year old.

    In the next couple weeks I was instructed to introduce wheat and soy yogurt into her diet.  If she does well with them and she should, then I can add wheat back into my diet.  It’s been 7 weeks since I’ve done the elimination diet and while I do miss certain foods, it’s been manageable.

    So now we know.  And it will be ok.  It’s kind of a relief to know so I am not guessing at what to give her to eat and I don’t have to experience any scary allergic reactions again (hopefully).  We were given a script for an EpiPen Jr just in case.

    On a lighter note we took Sweetness to the playground for the first time last weekend and she absolutely loved it.  She loved the swing and looking at all the kids.  She is such a people watcher!  It’s so fun to see the world through her eyes.  I am looking forward to lots of spring days spent at the park with her and honestly, I don’t know who had more fun, her or me!